I decided to start to talk about my journey with brca1 about 8 months after finding out I was positive for the mutation. When I started my blog I had already gone through the stages of what I was going to do with this new information and had already made some plans. People often asked me about the process to getting to that place of certainty. So with that said, I will attempt to fill in a few of the holes missing from this journey I began over a year ago now.
Since I have come forward with not only having the brca1 mutation but also what I am going to do about it, I have been getting responses like, "I would do the same" or "smart decision" etc... But I must say, as black and white as it might seem- it wasn't always like that for me. I am a person that is a big believer in Eastern medicine. Every month or so I am treated by a Ayurvedic/Chiropractic practitioner that does energetic clearings on me to prevent and heal illness and keep me balanced. I believe in the work and the possibities that surround it. I had to look at the big picture and if I could prevent the cancer from growing in me-for sure. I read articles on line and talked to doctors with both a Western and Eastern perspective. That's when the marathon training came into play. I would run and think about all the angles and choices I had. You see, the doctors won't tell you what to do -you are not sick- it is preventative suggestions. My options are: yearly MRI's with mammograms, ultra sounds, blood tests that keep track of hormone levels; the medication Tamoxifen or having a double mastectomy and hysterectomy. With this all in my head, like Forrest Gump, I would run and run and run and sort out my thoughts. I then started sharing my thoughts with a few people. I don't know what I was thinking or looking for. Was it justification for a decision I had already made deep inside, or was it to hear myself work it out? Either way I needed to go on this ride and a ride it was. One person said if I were going to chop my breasts off they would hold me down and knock some sense into me. She said that I need to print up a picture of a mastectomy and stare at it every morning for a month before I made such a choice. I heard "free boob job" and "It must be a Californian thing"-(in regards to choosing the double mastectomy with reconstructive surgery). Then there was the opinion that with proper testing they would catch it early so why rush into anything or what if they come up with a cure in the meantime. Speaking to friends and family that are also positive for the mutation was comforting yet because they are on their own journey themselves of course will have their own paths that most likely be different than mine. Simply in the end I needed to take all the information and make a choice just for me and trust it. It was a beautiful lesson for me to trust myself that I would do what is right for me and my family know matter what anybody else thought. I actually feel my soul shines a little brighter through it all with this inner confidence I nurtured-as silly as it may sound.
Bottom line-all the options kind of suck. What is most important to me? Certainty. What would make it certain I would not get ovarian/fallopian tube cancer or breast cancer, have my family see me go through chemo and radiation from these cancers or possibly have it take my life? Have the surgeries. I'm not saying I am safe from getting any other cancer or that "my time" for some other reason might not come along sooner than later but what I know for certain is that I will not be another Brca1 breast /ovarian cancer statistic and for me, my husband, daughter and son that sounds pretty good.
I know most of you that are following this blog do not share this similar journey but I believe we all have had to go through challenges that has lead to a fork in the road where we have to make some heavy decisions. All I can say is we all have the answers with in us. Quiet the mind, find peace and listen-then trust the answers.
